Anger
Rage
Everything
Pent up inside
Waiting to E X P L O D E!
Waiting for the right moment
The right
Thing to be
Said
Waiting
To get out of the cage of
Pentupness
Waiting for me
To give the
Okay to open
The flood gate
And be alive
And whole
Once again
If only for a moment
Waiting to be free.
To see more poems visit epoemsaboutlife.com
I am the mother of a sexually abused child. My precious daughter, now a lovely grown woman, was finally able to tell me part of her nightmare. She struggles with suppression, anxiety, depression. As she remembers events we try to put a timeline, a place, anything to figure out when the abuse started/ended. My heart is broken for my daughter as we have come to the sickening realization the he started abusing her at age 3 and stopped at approximately age 11. I’m so sad she didn’t tell me so he could’ve been imprisoned. The same way she is iimprisoned in her heart and soul. This trusted family member took away the person my daughter could have been. She struggles with theIdeamons he left behind for her. RAGE? REVENGE? I FEEL IT EVERY mMOMENT OF EVERYDAY! I can only cry with her and try to figure out how to heal her heart while staying sane and making sure I don’t cause her anymore heartache by getting lost in my own rage and vengeance. How do we fix this? Where do we start? God help my family.
I am so sorry to hear of this. There are two people here who are the victims. Your daughter who was abused and you the mother has also been victimized by having this done to your daughter. I am writing this, so that you, the mother, can also take time to mourn and grieve. Your daughter can still live a great life, but right now her body is detoxing from the trauma. It is very important to look at these feeling coming up as a detox and not as a permanent state of emotions. By saying the emotions are detoxing, it helps the emotions to be released. You daughter and yourself will not feel better all at once but slowly both of you will heal.
When an emotion such as rage comes up, or any other intense feeling, it is important for your daughter to ask, what is the memory that comes with this feeling. A feeling such as road rage, is triggered by another driver, but the rage itself is usually from an event a long time ago where you really would have been justified in feeling that angry. Please read my post about emotions from the past coming up in the present at http://healingfromsexualabuse.com/ideas-for-healing-from-abuse/what-to-do-when-you-feel-triggered/
You and your daughter will heal. You and your daughter will have a great life. Now is the time for both of you to honor that you are in mourning. If you are in the United States, a great resource that you and your daughter can call 24 hours a day is the RAINN (Rape Abuse National Network Hotline) is 1-800-656-HOPE. They are even fine if you call in the middle of the night. (Many times you can get a ton of help from talking with them, though they are volunteers and sometimes they are not at all helpful, it just depends who answers. If the person you get is not helpful, hang up and try a hotline in another area which you can get off their website rainn.org. It’s a confidential call.)
And please stay away from well meaning therapist who want to prescribe or refer out for prescription of drugs. It normally means that they do not have the tools to help. The drugs because of their side effects (and it is written on their drug labels) cause anxiety, suicidal ideation, extreme anxiousness and many other problems. And withdrawal from the drugs (like detoxing from alcohol) can make the side effects much worse for a long while, even after you have been off the drugs for months and sometimes people will suffer from permeant brain and liver damage.
Again, I know that you and your daughter will heal, start by making that call and keep calling hotlines until you find helpful and understanding people.
Dear Wendy your daughter can go ahead with charges if the man/woman is still alive , i have been through sexual abuse from ages 8-11 i had the guts to tell my mom at age 13 but was to scared to go along with charges so i went through counselling instead at age 16 i had the guts to finally convict him with 10 counts of sexual assault i am currently in trial i am 17 now soon to be 18 this year. if she has the strength to talk about it and to tell her story about what had happened what she can remember do it cause who knows who else this has happened to . thats why i hope if i win this case and this guy gets convicted that if he has done this to any other girls i hope they can stand up and tell the police about it cause this is a deadly crime he did not only take my innocents he took my childhood away from me,
This trusted family member took away the person my daughter could have been.
The comment above resonates with me so much. I was abused sexually by three boys and one girl. I just started recovery and my real self is budding or coming forth. I dont know who I am. I am amazed as I experience my real personality. I have a very soft sensitive loving personality. The rapists took this away from me and I became who they wanted me to be…….a mere shadow of my real self. It hurts a lot but please be encouraged that your daughter can come forth. Healing is more than possible…..little by little. (last word edited by blogger because can be triggering to survivors of extreme abuse)
The person who raped me tried to take my innocence away and make me into what he wanted me to be. He said he knew I was pure as the driven snow when he met me. I feel like he ruined my carefree childhood. However, i started recovery and since i was only 10-12 I am amazed at the fact that a great deal of innocence is still alive in me and I am honoring my child within and playing and doing self nurturing play therapy and I am having a grand time. I have a love for dolls and I have bought too many. I just finished collecting and the playing has began. Everyone deserves a great child hood.
I am very comfortable reciting this with clenched teeth…as I have been told I clench my teeth a lot. I am just coming to the point in my life where I must find my own answers. I know that I have been raped twice while in college. The repercussions have been ongoing and repressed for twenty+ years. I want to heal.
Please remind yourself that you have every right to be angry about the abuse and you are healing. By acknowlledging and remembering, you are healing. Your life will get better. As you notice repressed emotions popping up in your present life eventually the intensity will become less overpowering because you are listenning. Slowly you will notice that you feel much better.
I was raped one time in college repeatedly. I was just a little girl inside due to neurosis mental disorder. It is 25 years later and the memories began to surface after the perpetrator contacted me via facebook ..through me sister. He asked how I was doing. I confronted him and he would not apologize for anything he did to me. He said it was not done intentionally. He has derailed my whole life and I am left picking up the pieces. He impregnated me in college and forced me to abort the baby against my will. Hindsight….I wish I had gone to an all girls college. I have two friends who were raped in college and I have read numerous stories about girls who were raped also. It is very clear to me that college is not a safe place for girls who are young and trusting like i was. This does not mean it was my fault. It just means I was not safe around this awful person who raped me. My heart will go on.
I am sorry to hear about what happened to you at college. No one should have to go through that. I think that it is important to add that many innocent and trusting girls go to coed colleges and do not get raped, which does not minimize what happened to you, it is still the perpetrator’s fault. Frequently neurosis and other “mental disorders” are repressed memories and emotions from traumatic incidents, so I would encourage you to look into that possibility. It is very rare that a perpetrator apologizes, like an alcoholic and drug addict, they always blame others for their problems, even blaming little children for seducing them, that is how sick these people are.
I would encourage you to call the 800-656-HOPE and reach out for help when healing from abuse. If the person you speak with on the hotline is not helpful, hang up and try again later or try calling another hotline at centers.rainn.org Keep trying until you get a helpful person.