Hotlines and Resources

Hotlines and Resources

“The problem that I have found with many groups is the pushing of anti-depressants as a form of treatment, which can cover up the feeling and memories you need to release.  In my home town, we actually started our own drug-free group because of this belief.  This is by no means a complete list of services, but it is a place to begin.  I have not used all of these support groups, so I cannot endorse their services.” -Amy Marschak

RAINN
1-800-656-HOPE (24 hour crises line)
www.rainn.org

International Resources
http://www.rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources

Child Help
1-800-4ACHILD (English and Multi-Lingual 24 Crisis Line for US & Canada)
www.childhelp.org

MaleSurvivor
http://www.malesurvivor.org/



Support Books and DVD

“An Angel Cried A Tear Last Night”.  Amy Marschak (Author of HealingFromSexualAbuse.com).  (DVD of my play, a story of forgetting, remembering and healing from child sexual abuse).  humantheatre.org/store.htm

Poetry for All Those Breathing.  Amy Marschak (Author of HealingFromSexualAbuse.com).  (Poems that help survivors get in touch with their emotions).  humantheatre.org/store.htm

The Artist’s Way. Julia Cameron.  (Great for taking care of the inner child and helped me get my memories back and write more again including creating “An Angel Cried A Tear Last Night”).

Courage to Heal (Audiobook). Ellen Bass, Laura Davis.  (This helped me a ton in recovering memories of incest).

Courage to Heal Workbook. Ellen Bass, Laura Davis.  (Incest).

Cure by Crying. Thomas Stone.

When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. Jane R. Hirschman.

Talking Back to Prozac. Peter Breggin.

Toxic Psychiatry:  Psychiatrist’s Assault on the Brain with Drugs and Electroshock. Peter Breggin.

Your Drugs Could Be Your Problem. (Problems with anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.)  Peter Breggin.

Repressed Memories. Renee Frederickson.

Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Child Sexual Abuse. Mike Lew and Ellen Bass.



Alternative Healing & Problems with Prescription Drugs

Article about Problems with Anti-depressants and Anti-Psychotics:     http://motherjones.com/politics/2003/11/it-prozac-or-placebo

List of Articles and Links to Effective Treatment of Psychological Illnesses Without Drugs http://psychrights.org/research/Digest/Effective/effective.htm

Dr. Loren Mosher’s Studies on Healing Schizophrenia Without Drugs: http://www.moshersoteria.com/articles/treatment-of-acute-psychosis-without-neuroleptics/

Dr. Loren Mosher’s Homepage with Many Excellent Articles on Prescription Drugs and Alternatives:     http://www.moshersoteria.com

Healing Technique (Not work for me but helped other survivors):   www.emofree.com

Yoga  (Yoga helps people get centered in their bodies.   Find the yoga that works for you.)

28 thoughts on “Hotlines and Resources

  1. Hi, I’m a 17 year old girl, it’s taking me a lot of courage to write this; my father has been sexually abusing me since i was 13 (I don’t remember anything before that) a few months ago I was talking with my younger sister who’s 15 she said he’s been doing the same thing since she was ten, I didn’t know what to do, I still don’t; she tried to commit suicide after she’d told me this (She’s out of hospital now)

    
We told our mum a few months ago, she believes us, she doesn’t know what to do but she believes us, which is important.
I’d never caused any sort of drama because I had hoped that he would leave her alone, probably stupid, I watch enough crime shows to have known that he wouldn’t leave her alone, its self destructive, I know but I keep blaming myself for not telling someone sooner.

    
I managed to…(edited by blogger) him doing something tonight (Which is why I’m writing this) I don’t know what I’m doing, I need help.

    
My mum is my best friend, I don’t like having to do this to her they’ve been married for 30+ years, so it’s bound to hurt her, I know that she would do anything for my sister and I, i don’t like seeing her in pain.


    Please help me.
    
J

    1. Hi J,

      Right now, it’s your mum’s job to get you and all of your siblings away from your father. It’s not your job to take care of your mother right now. She needs to take care of her children, yes, it will be hard for her, but it’s her job. Mothers and fathers are suppose to protect their children from sexual assault. It is great that she believes you, but she must protect you by either kicking your father out of the house or finding shelter away from your father. I’m sure that it is hard to see your mother in pain but it should be even harder for her to see her children in pain and at constant risk of sexual assault, she needs to comfort you and all of your siblings. I am saying all of her siblings because even if you have brothers, there is a chance that he has assaulted them also. Perpetrators can do that.

      Here is a page of support services in New Zealand at http://mybodymyterms.com/get-help/ and http://www.victimsupport.org.nz/get-help/support-after-sexual-violence-or-family-violence/ These services should help but that doesn’t mean that they will help. Some services are great and help, others or some people at others do not. On those pages there are 24/7 hotlines that you can call and talk with them about what happened to you and your sister. If a person is not helpful, ask when they will be changing shifts and try calling back later or try another number. Both you and your sister should be able to get help for healing but it might take a while. You want to work with a person that has tools to help you to heal and don’t let them sell you on prescriptions drugs to help, they have terrible side effects, such as suicidal ideation, depression and even liver damage. And when you withdraw from them the side effects can be worse but if anyone is on them, they need to withdraw from them very slowly and with the supervision of a great doctor or a great alternative healthcare professional.

      The problem is that some therapists that don’t know how to help you, so they recommend drugs instead but it is extremely hard to detox from the abuse while stuffing it down with drugs or things like St. John’s Wart or harming your body with ECT, so don’t let any therapist sell you on those “therapies”. Here is one of many articles on about depression and the myth of chemical imbalance http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2003/11/it-prozac-or-placebo and http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/04/06/frightening-story-behind-the-drug-companies-creation-of-medical-lobotomies.aspx You can also look at Dr. Loren Mosher’s work who actually cured people of schizophrenic symptoms without drugs at his Soteria House and if people who are schizophrenic can heal without drugs, you certainly can as well. Here is a great article he wrote about his experiences in psychiatry in general and why people suffer and how to help them http://www.moshersoteria.com/articles/soteria-associates/ and a video of him http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnryFXxl7yU .

      Don’t let your mother off the hook if she is not ready to leave your father, you and your siblings are too important to have to live with a pedophile. There should be services that can help your mother to even have a place to stay to get away from him if kicking him out is not possible. But it always know that there are sometimes people who are not willing to help, even if it is their job to do so. Never give up on finding great help and getting away from your father. ASAP. Also you might want to talk with a trusted teacher or the school social worker, if you are in school. Supportive people should validate that what your father did is awful and help support you in healing. If anyone ever tries to blame you, call you crazy, tells you to forgive and forget, put it in the past or anything else that is not supportive, hang up the phone or politely leave and know that that person is not going to be at all helpful (even if you thought they were your friend, trusted teacher, family member, etc)

      Please write back with any questions, comments or updates. Updates give other survivors hope.

      1. Thanks for this, Mum is going to confront him when he gets home, we’ll see how that goes.

        As for medication I wont take any, I’ve been off deppression medication for well over three years, I wont take them again they didn’t help at all the first time, to try them again would be a mental slip back for me.

        Again, thank you, it’s great to know that there are people out there who care and want to help.

  2. Hi I am a nineteen year old girl and five years ago, I was molested by my dad. Somehow, I suppressed all my feelings and hurt but recently, I had a friend over at my house and my dad tried molesting her too, she got furious and confronted my mom and I about it, I too told my mom about the incident. When my mom asked my dad about it, he simply denied it. It sickens me that my dad is simply denying about it, my mother says she’ll separate from my dad but I’m sure she won’t as she’s too dependent on him. My dad denied it for a day and then gave us money next day to help us forget about it and start afresh. My mother made me swore not to speak about it to anyone but I hate how things are going. I’ve gone through so much trauma and pain and no one even gives a shit. The incident has take a toll over me, I have grown very insensitive and phase out from day to day situations. I can’t sleep and have major trust issues. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi Annie,

      That is horrible that you dad would do such a thing and that your mother stands by and supports his sexual assaults. When she tells you to keep it a secret, she is supporting your dad and not you. That is so wrong that your mother told you not to tell anyone. By her saying that, the chance of her leaving your dad because of the assault is very slim. People do care, it’s just that your mother does not care. But in India I have read about movements against sexual assault especially sexual assault of women (though men can be victims of sexual assault also and also need to heal), so there are people out there who do care. The challenge is to find them. But that is doable, it may not be easy but you deserve to heal and have an awesome life.

      I understand there can be some cultural differences there but it is so important as a survivor to surround yourself with people who support you in not keeping your dad’s secret and getting help. Have you talked to your friend that your dad tried to assault? You can support possibly support each other in getting the support you both need to heal. And good for your friend for confronting your mother.

      It is important to understand that a symptom of assaults, especially if you are around the perpetrator, can be insensitivity as a defence mechanism but it is super important to heal.

      It sounds like you are still living with your parents. Until you get away from them, it makes perfect sense that you have a hard time sleeping, there is a perpetrator and a person who supports a perpetrator living in your house. Of course, it’s hard to sleep, it’s not safe in your house. And of course you have major trust issues, the people who were suppose to protect you raped you and allowed you to be raped. But as you heal, you will learn to trust again because you will be able to figure out who is trustworthy and who is not, though that can take some time.

      Step 1: Find a way to move away from your parents possibly go to college in Europe or the United States (if that’s possible) but very far from your parents. I would also recommend (though I assume it is not culturally acceptable) not to talk with them at all. It will be so helpful for your healing. I would not recommend getting married as a way to get away from your parents because in order to have a healthy marriage, you need to heal from the sexual assault first. Find others who support your choices in getting away from that toxic environment of your family. It is traumatizing to talk with the person who sexually assaulted you, even if it is your dad. It is also traumatizing to talk to a person who has no interest in protecting you, even if it is your mom. I think distance could really help. Also there is a bunch of support for survivors in the United States (but again, some is great and some is not supportive at all).

      You can try calling 181 (a hotline in India). As with all hotlines, they may or may not be helpful. They my even have help in assisting you in moving away from your family. If when you call they are not helpful, hang up and call back a bit later, people answering change shifts. If someone is helpful, you may want to write down their name to remember them. They may even have counselling to help you to heal from being sexually assaulted. But again if their help is not helpful or they are not kind to you, remove yourself from the situation.

      I don’t know if you saw this http://indianexpress.com/article/cities/delhi/delhi-gets-first-one-stop-centre-for-rape-victims/

      If that hotline is not helpful you can also try the online hotline at https://ohl.rainn.org/online/ and click on “get live help now”. As always, some people will be helpful, while others will not be helpful at all. Keep looking for help until you get great help.

      Feel free to write back with any questions or updates.

      1. Thank you so much, I will try shifting to a college away from them, like another state in India. I will also check the hotlines given, Thanks a lot!

          1. Hi Annie,

            Then speak with them as little as possible and once you are away look for programs that may fund your education. Scholarships for woman, possibly even scholarships for survivors of sexual assault. Maybe scholarships based on your field of study. Be creative when looking for funding to get away from the abusers. Maybe if you speak with a helpful guidance counsellor, they have some ideas, I have not thought of. Know that in your experience to get help, there will be helpful people and there may be really nasty people who support pedophiles, even in places that are suppose to help survivors. So keep looking til you get help, and carefully talk with anyone who can contact your parents, to see if they are good people or pro-pedophiles. Your first step is getting away from your parents, then at least you can be in place place away from the pedophile. Also you want to have a room of your own with a lock on the door, hopefully not living with a family, because you need to have full control over your own room and it is hard to tell when you are starting to heal if people are good or bad. If your parents come to visit, first try to discourage them possibly by using the excuse that you are really busy, if they are still coming it is important to have a person who really supports and believes you there at all times, so that you are never alone with them.

            You can get away and you can heal. I did find a link to this, but I am not sure if this organization is truly helpful or not. Also in organizations there can be great and nasty people in the same place, so listen to your gut. http://www.rahifoundation.org/women-survivor-programs.html

            You can get away and you can heal. Keep taking action until you get away from the perpetrator and heal. You may even want to talk with your friend that your dad tried to abuse (if she is in an ok state to do so) and see if she can come up with any ideas. Do not give up.

  3. Hi my name is Tammy. I am almost 35 years old and finally dealing with my past. My cousin first molested me. My adopted dad finally found out and he took action and kickedmy cousin out of the house. I was very young. I think in first grade when my cousin started trying to get me to do things to him. He was older. I guess a teen when it occurred?Not a whole lot happened with him which is good. After he was gone my adopted dad then used the situation to manipulate and groom me to do things with him sexually. This went on for many years until I was sixteen I believe. Even though he never touched me or had sex with me I was and still am effected by it today. I ended it once I knew it wasn’t right and he kept trying to lure me back to doing things with him anyway. We were close and I trusted him. He broke my trust by sending pictures of me out on the net and creating a website of pictures he took of me. He used to set up the camera on my dresser with clothing on it to try to hide it just so he could film me nude getting dressed. I caught it one day and took the tape out and destroyed it in front of him. I hated him for that. I would catch him spying on me in my room from outside of my window. To this day even with blinds up I’m paranoid about someone watching me. He loved for me to open up to him about any sexual experience I had. I did open up to him and he wanted me to bea llesbian. He knew some of my girl friends liked me like that and encouraged it. He always told me it was OK for father’s and daughters to be naked around each other and to act out the way we did. It was love to him. He went out of his way to make sure I was comfortable and enjoyed doing things with him. He lusted over me. Since I ended it all I graduated highschool and my parents moved away for fourteen years. Now they are back and I’ve never dealt with it all until now. I am very emotional and walk on eggs shells around him. I have three kids now that he has hardly ever seen. I worry about them getting exposure by him too. My mother to my knowledge knows nothing about it. I’m afraid to tell her. She’ll call me a liar and disown me. They just moved back to town and my girls are 9 and 11. They want to stay the night. I’m afraid for them to stay and they have no idea. My husband knows everything he did to me and he doesn’t want them staying the night. What do I do now? This is very difficult for me to deal with and I feel alone. Please HELP!!!

    1. Hi Tammy,

      Your adopted dad is a very sick man. Your husband is absolutely correct, they should not spend the night at your house, no matter what. Also if they live in town, why in the world would they need to spend the night at your house? It seems like the perfect opportunity for a perpetrator. But even if it turns out they do not have a place of their own, still DO NOT let them spend the night at your house. It only takes a moment to abuse a child.

      If it is true that your mother would disown you if you told her, then she is not a mother to you at all. Real mothers protect their children from abusers, even if the abuser is their husband.

      Honestly, until your adopted dad actively gets help to heal from having abused you, made pornography of you as a child and dating you, I would consider having no contact with either of them. You do not owe them anything. As adoptive parents, they were suppose to protect you from people like your dad, not abuse you. They lost all of their rights to have contact with you when they abused you or allowed the abuse to occur. You can try telling your mother what happened and she how she responds, but no matter what do not risk your children having contact with them. If she believes you and turns your dad in to the authorites (or something as strong as that, depending on where you live and the laws there), then maybe it is still ok to have contact with your mother. Also, if you do tell your mother and she sounds supportive of you or says that your dad has changed, still DO NOT let them spend a night at your house. It is easy to say that a person has changed but you need to see strong actions to support that they have really changed. Such as getting help, making real amends and even then it is too much of a risk to let your children have contact with them at all.

      You are not alone, this has happened to many other survivors and you deserve to have only truly loving and supportive people in your life.

      It shows your strength that you were able to write what happened to you and to ask the question. It might be time to reach out for help and if you find good people to work with, that will also reinforce that you are not alone. You can try calling 800-656-HOPE, which is a hotline that will connect you with the local rape crisis hotline in your area. If they are helpful, then that is great, if not keep looking for a great therapist or social worker but any people that are truly supportive of survivors would also say do not let your children have contact with your parents. And it is being kind to yourself to not have contact with them either. All they can offer is the illusion of a family because real families protect their children. It sounds like you and your husband and children are a real family. So be gentle with yourself and you can also become the mom and dad to yourself that you never had. (If it turns out that your mother would really disown you or not believe you.) There also is the possibility that your mother will feel awful about what happened to you and it was just your dad who wanted you to think that she would disown you, so you would keep the secret. But I don’t know because I don’t know your mom.

      I encourage you to keep reaching out and keep healing from the abuse that happened to you as a child.

      Please feel free to write back with any updates, questions, struggles or successes.

  4. Hi my name is star…(edited by blogger) I was molested by my father, uncles,cousins, other make. My mother knew of the abuse my father did but not once tried to stop it. The abuse began age 3-21 I am now 34 . Am in USA. I just left a mentally emotionally verbally bulling relationship wehere she was intentionally trying to convince me I was mentally off. She people coming in and out of the house opening the doors and tell me I did it I it

    1. It may take me a few days to write a reply, you can call the 1-880-656-HOPE hotline 24/7 and they are people you can call anytime to talk. If someone you get is not helpful, then hang up and try again later. If you are repeatedly not getting help there try going to centers.rainn.org and you can call any of those hotlines listed, though you may not want to tell them you are not local.

      1. Hi Star,

        I am so sorry to hear that you had no one in your family to protect and take care of you. Every child deserves parents who love and protect them.

        It sounds like the person you were in a relationship was not healthy. It is possible that in addition to them not being healthy they may have also suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder, so that when she was blaming you for things that other people did, it was because she was in another personality when it happened.

        Now it may be time for you to heal, so that you can become the parent to your inner child who never had a loving parent and you can heal and have a great life. You may want to read my post “Surviving Mother’s Day and the Holidays” at http://healingfromsexualabuse.com/ideas-for-healing-from-abuse/surviving-mothers-day-and-the-holidays/ which has ideas on how you can be a great parent to your inner child. When you heal, then you will want to be around healthier people and have healthier relationships. When you heal you will not want to be around mean people, let alone be in a relationship with them.

        You may want to call 1-800-656-HOPE 24/7 (which will connect you to the local rape crisis center) and see if they have counselling that will be helpful for you to heal. Most rape crisis centers have free counselling and you qualify for that help even if you were assaulted a long time ago). If that is not helpful you can go to centers.rainn.org and call hotlines that are nearby and see if they are more helpful. If that is not helpful, you can look for a therapist that can help you to heal. When looking for a therapist, always listen to your intuition and see if they are kind and have tools that can help you to heal.

        Feel free to write any questions, updates and/or successes.

  5. Hi…is it possible to heal without remembering any of the abuse? Iknow it happened; Ihave pretty much accepted it as well. But I’m still not ok …

    1. Hi Stehanie,

      If you’re still not ok then it can mean that the repressed emotions and memories are still stuck inside, screaming to be heard and released. So you probably have more healing to do. The problem is finding a good and healthy therapists to help you remember and release the stuck memories and emotions. It can be hard to find an excellent therapists or it can be easy if you happen to find one right away.

      Some ways that I recommend may help you to remember and release the abuse can be found on my post “What To Do When You Feel Triggered” at http://healingfromsexualabuse.com/ideas-for-healing-from-abuse/what-to-do-when-you-feel-triggered/ Also doing the workbook “Artists Way” by Julia Cameron, helped me get memories back ad also live a more balanced life. It is helpful to remember that anytime you feel an extreme emotion, such as depression, rage, etc it can be a sign of a repressed emotion from the abuse. After that happens ask yourself when in your past should you have felt that way and listen for whatever comes up whether or not it makes any sense to you at first. I go into much more detail about this in my post “What To Do When You Feel Triggered”.

      You can also try reaching out to the 800-656-HOPE hotline which connects you to the local rape crisis center and see if they are helpful. If the person answering is helpful, then great, if not hang up and try again later because volunteers change shifts. If no one you get is helpful, then try going to centers.rainn.org and try any hotline in the country until you get a helpful person (and if they ask you do not need to tell then where you live because sometimes if you are out of the area they will not help you but they do not need to know). You can try calling the hotline anytime an extreme emotion comes up. Unfortunately, some people, even on the hotlines, do not believe in repressed memories. (The myth about “False Memory Syndrome” was started by a two people accused of pedophellia who went to two known people who were pro-pedophilia for advise. So anyone telling you that you cannot have repressed memories has actually been swayed by all of the false reports that were put out by this group. This group unfortunately did a great publicity job and even sued tons of therapists who helped people to recover from repressed memories and traumatic abuse.) If you get a person who does not believe in repressed memories, hang up immediately and know that there are people out there who will help, be persistent.

      You can heal and feel ok but I believe that it is helpful to remember and release some of the traumas and the emotions that got stuck with the trauma.

  6. Hello,

    I found your website today and it’s great. I related so much to your posts and to other people’s posts as well.

    I was abused as a child by my grandfather and kept it from my family. I’m in my mid-30s now and recently decided to tell my parents about the abuse and my lifetime of surviving and coping in secret. I didn’t expect the hurt, pain, anger and shame they are now experiencing towards my grandfather. I was so worried and scared of being disbelieved that I didn’t prepare for this. I don’t know what to do for them now.

    Do you know of any books/resources for parents dealing with this? I’ve tried to look, but most books for parents are for those who learn about the abuse when their children are children still and are going through the legal system.

    Thank you,
    Lizel.

    1. Hi Lizel,

      I am glad that this website has been helpful to you.

      It is great that your parents are supporting you, remember that everything that your parents are feeling is actually a healthy reaction to what occurred. It is hard though, think how you would feel if you were a parent and found out that the child you raised and tried to protect had been assaulted by a person you trusted. It is likely that you would be feeling what your parents are feeling. I know of the book, “Allies in Healing”, I don’t know how good of a book it is. They can call rape crisis hotlines to help them to deal with the grief they are experiencing. As far as I know, Canada does not have a national hotline, you will need to look it up by your location. Warn them that some people who answer the hotline can range from very helpful to very rude. So if you get a rude person or even a nice person who is not helpful, hang up and try again later (the volunteers work in shifts and even the best hotlines can have bad volunteers). Do not get discouraged, have them keep calling until they get the help they need. Even try other hotlines, even in other countries, don’t you get free calls to the US on many phone plans in Canada? If they only want to help if you are local, don’t give them a location. There is help for them out there and for you as well, so if you need help with any part of the healing process, you can feel free to call a hotline.

      Feel free to write an update and your parents are welcome to post also. This website is for everyone dealing with sexual abuse.

  7. Are there any women on here that would like to be a friend to me in my time of need ? I tried to turn to the online hotline at RAINN , but all they could give me was small talk and resources. I wish I had someone who I could befriend, talk to . . and just someone to be there for me . & I’d do the same. I hate living in my thoughts and not having anyone to share them with . . .

    It Really Sucks .

    1. I think that would be great to find a person to share successes and struggles with. Try finding the post on the homepage http://healingfromsexualabuse.com/ by Nicole, she left her contact info and was looking for advice. The search bar does not work for comments so you need to do a webpage search (Control+F on PC or Command+F on the Mac).

      Please keep calling, every volunteer is different.  Some are only interested in getting you in-person resources when what you need to do is talk at the moment, others are quite helpful, some are into helping you the way they think you need, rather than hearing what you need and some are not nice.  Each hotline can have a mix of volunteers, great ones and not so great ones, so try calling back later when another volunteer is on the hotline.

      Try also going to centers.rainn.org, keep calling around until you get the help you need.  Also please understand that the RAINN hotline connects you to the nearest rape crisis hotline that matches the area code of the phone that you are calling from.

      Some hotlines will not help people who are out if the area, so if the person seems helpful, tell them that you want to remain anonymous and not disclose your location at this point.

    2. I read your post today and found myself in your words. Did you find someone to talk to? I feel that I need someone to talk to as well but it’s so difficult.

    3. Did you find someone to talk to? I recognize myself in your words. Need someone to talk to as well. But I have no idea where to find someone. It makes me feel so lonely and it seems like nobody else had to experience what I did even though I know that’s not true. I hope you found someone!

      1. Hi Chrissie,

        If you are in Germany, have you tried going to https://www.frauen-gegen-gewalt.de/help-counselling.html or http://78.142.150.50/type-service/de/21

        I know sometimes the same hotline can have people who are very helpful and supportive and people who you have to wonder why they volunteered to be on a hotline. If you get a person from the later catagory hang up and try again. Keep trying until you get someone who is helpful. With skype, you can also try hotlines anywhere in the world. Do not give up until you get the help you need. I will forward your post to Riley’s email. I it ok to give her your email address?

    1. I am so sorry, that is horrible, call 1-800-656-hope, make a plan to get away and take care of yourself. If the person who you speak with on the hotline is not helpful try again later or try another hotline. Get help and get away from your mother.

  8. Hi all. I have been sexually abused at the age of 5 years old and chronically until I was 10 years old. During those years, I would be under so much fear that I never told anyone and I tried to repress what happened to me. It’s such a temptation for me to do so and not speak up about it. It still seems like a dream to me. Even as I am typing, it hasn’t sunken in that it actually happened to me. But it did. My abuser is extremely violent and I have not confronted him yet about it. I would love for the opportunity to do so but am afraid if he doesn’t give the right response. I would love to just accept it as is and move on with my life. I still fear of his return and his visits to my home. He is my cousin. I am currently 19 years old and seeking for help and healing for my life. I appreciate your work and this blog. Please reply with any comments, suggestions, support, guidance, and words. Thanks.

    1. Linda,

      Good for you for writing this and reaching out. That shows your strength. Of course you want to repress it, it was your body’s way of coping with the horrible abuse. It feeling like it was a dream is also a way that your body dealt with the abuse. But the memories of the abuse are ready to be really heard and believed. Sometimes as you work through the abuse, you will have times where it feels like someone else’s movie and that is normal. You do not have to confront the abuser to heal. But you do need to confront where the memories of the abuse are happening in your life today and it can be subtle. Memories of the abuse can pop up as feelings such as suddenly feeling depressed, angry or even having a panic attack. These feelings can be triggered by the lighting in a room or watching TV or really anything. So that anytime that you have an extreme emotion or one that does not make sense for the situation ask yourself “What did I see, hear, smell, taste or feel that triggered this emotion?” And then take a moment to listen and believe whatever comes up whether or not it makes sense (it will eventually make sense).

      Also make sure that you take time to nurture and take care of yourself.

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